In one of my earlier posts this week, I mentioned that I've been spending a lot of time reading a few blogs. I've posted them recently (they are the first three that are listed in the sidebar under the heading "blogs I'm reading) . I wish I could say they were happy and uplifting...and in a way, they are...but two of the blog writers are women who have lost their precious infants and the other writer is a woman who is in the hospital and literally fighting for her unborn baby's life right now. Not exactly the stuff that coffee talk is made of (as I sit here, guiltily sipping my coffee while my own sweet baby naps happily in his crib).
What amazes me most about these women is their unbelievable faith in G-d. And their G-d is a bit different from mine. They have a deep, unbridled love for Jesus and his role as their Lord. Now, being, Jewish, this is obviously quite different from my own faith, but I am still inspired by their deep, deep love for their faith and the role that it plays in their life. I have been on a bit of a faith search myself...I mean, I've found my faith, I'm not looking for it, but what I'm looking for is a way to integrate it in my life much more than I have. I have not been to Shabbat services in more than a month. And as you can see, it is Saturday (Shabbat), and here I am...on my COMPUTER no less!...so clearly, I have a lot of work to do. I wouldn't say I'm in a faith crisis...I love my Jewish faith...but I suppose what I am is just simply lazy. I know the framework with which I need to live my life in order for it to be a Jewish life and I simply am not choosing to follow it.
I think this always happens for me at some point in the summer. I know I'm not alone because our shul empties out in the summer, the Tot Shabbat program takes a break from meeting, and the calendar isn't full of events and classes. But that doesn't make it okay. And it certainly isn't okay with me. And perhaps it is no coincidence that this all happens leading up to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur...I always feel a renewed sense of committment when we honor and observe these most serious of holy days...when we atone for our sins and greet a new Jewish year. I think that this year in particular, I will be spending a lot of time leading up to these days thinking about how I can be a better Jew and give myself the beautiful gift of a Jewish life. Though it isn't something that should ebb and flow, it seemingly does for me, and that is something that I desperately want to change. I am making the decision to change that and I will share here what that means and what transpires as I take the steps toward a deeper committment to a Jewish life.