What am I doing?

I'm sitting here, when I'm supposed to be studying, watching Grey's Anatomy. Studying, I might add, so I can an A in one of the classes I need to get into nursing school. If any of you watch Grey's tonight, you'll understand why I sat here and cried instead of studied. If you didn't, I'll recap. Lots of dying. Children. Dying. Very slow, painful deaths.

While I know it is t.v. show, while I know all the people and story lines are pretend, I sat there thinking, "WHAT on earth am I DOING?". Why am I willingly getting myself into this? If you don't already know, once I get an A in this class and then in all my other classes and then get into nursing school (and yes, I'm being flippant on purpose, I know none of that will be easy), I want to work in a NICU or PICU. With devastatingly sick and dying babies and children. What am I thinking!? Seriously. I am freaking out. I am sitting here, paralyzed, not being able to study because I'm thinking I cannot do this. I cannot watch what I just saw on t.v. every day and in real life. I should be spending time with my own children, right? Why am I giving up this special time with them to go do that?

Freaking. Out.