Thursday, July 16, 2009

The tides, they are a-changin'

I spent a rare hour or two on the beach today. It was rare because I was ALONE. It was heavenly. It was the end of the day and as the air cooled and shadows lengthened and the incoming tide lapped at my feet, families packed up to head home. But I remained where I was, feet in the sand, book in my lap. I didn't read much, just let my thoughts fade in and out with the foamy waves washing over the shore. I was abundantly content and happy listening to the ocean roar and the seagulls scream. But part of me was sad, knowing that I am living the best years of my life right at this very moment. The very best years. That these fun-filled, easy breezy days are fleeting and will be fond memories in the not so distant future. And part of me was also sad thinking about leaving my first "home", thinking that I have so much here that I love (my dad especially) and I hate knowing that I will soon have to part with it all.

As I packed my stuff up to return to the beach house and began trudging up the boardwalk, I realized that I probably have more beach days behind me than ahead of me and I sensed a bit of the blues coming on. When the boys and I return to our real life (as opposed to this life where my dad and gram cook for me, wash and fold laundry and my biggest decision is which bathing suit to wear to the beach) there are only a few short days that will bridge the gap between our idyllic, storybook summer and our new and bustling busy school schedule. Ethan's first day of Kindergarten is in August and days of studying the tide charts will have been swept out to sea. And the truth is, I don't know how our new days will be spent. Our schedule, our lifestyle, our routine...all of that is unknown to me. What I do know is that Ethan will say good bye to his "summer beach friends" and will be making new friends in his new classroom with his new teacher in his new school. The classroom that I can't picture, the teacher I've not met, the children I don't know. Boys and girls, can you spell a-n-x-i-e-t-y?

But soon, all of these questions will be answered, all that is unknown will be known, and my unfamiliar schedule will become a solid routine. And I'm sure all of this will happen in no time at all. But that doesn't mean I won't wring my hands a few times until then.

And for right now, I'm a nervous wreck. Which I, of course, won't share with Ethan. Luckily, he is excited about starting at his "five-year-old school", and truly, I am excited for him. But there is part of me that is longing already for the days of our freedom, where pre-school was optional if a more fun prospect presented itself. Where we could sleep in and snuggle if the mood struck. All of this school business just seems so....official.

So, in the meantime, I will officially enjoy the rest of my idyllic, storybook summer vacation. Because I'm still officially on it. And it has officially been marvelous, damn near perfect, in fact. I forgot how head over heels in love I am with this beach.


Nora said...

Hey Jenn- I thought I would catch you on the beach yesterday (Sunday). I took a long walk to get Daniel to nap. Hope I catch you before your vacation is over. Enjoy the beautiful weather!!

Jen said...

I'm so sorry I missed you! Our two and a half weeks flew by and before I knew it, it was time to head home. I'll be back next summer (and plan to stay for a while longer) so let's definitely make a plan to meet up!

Dad said...

You might be surprised that you may actually have more days on the beach than you think. At 57 I continually say to myself that these are the best of times.